Performance Anxiety

Oh my gosh, you guys. Today I'm scheduled to do a face-to-face, one-on-one, video interview with one of the biggest, baddest, most beautiful adult stars in the world. I've said hello to her before at conventions and the like, but she's always intimidated me enough that I haven't sought out any personal attention. She's one of those whose signing line is always miles long and who's somehow got the energy to have a kind word for everyone, while managing to look professional and stunningly gorgeous all at once. Scared? I'm petrified.

Now the thing is that when I do interviews with adult stars, particularly for WHACK! Magazine, as this one will be, I know in my heart of hearts that said adult stars have volunteered for the interview. It's good publicity for them. Publicity is one way to keep themselves in the spotlight. So they want to talk to me. And actually, as far as interviews go, I often find face-to-face ones easier than phone or e-mail interviews, because I can see their reactions and gauge which direction to take the conversation in based on them. We usually end up having a fun conversation instead of a stilted, awkward exchange.

But... It's so intimidating. I mean, what if I ask stupid questions? What if I end up asking only questions she's answered a thousand times before? What if I ask a totally wrong question about something she doesn't want to discuss? What if she's just so far above and beyond my level of professional-ness that halfway through my lame interview she just gets up and storms off because I'm such a moron? What if...? What IF?

The truth is, though I've made a name for myself in part of the porn world as an interviewer that fans and stars alike seem to feel comfortable with... I've always hated it. Even when I was younger and working for a local newspaper, being sent out to interview people was the absolute worst part of the job... aside from having to CALL people, interrupt their normal life routines, and make them talk to me. Interviewing people makes me feel like a nosy, interfering, prying pain in the ass. Even though, on a rational level, I know I'm not really. I know that personally, I'm a live-and-let-live type. I don't care what you do with your life so long as you're not hurting anyone, and I'd love it if you stayed out of my business too. And on a more practical professional level, I know that I'm only interviewing people because they WANT to be interviewed. But the logical, practical, and paranoid emotional parts of me just cannot seem to get it together!

Egads! Ok. I'm going to have some more coffee, put together a loose set of questions I can riff off of, and pray to the gods of porn star interviews that this incredible (she really is amazing) woman will find my gawkiness and nerves endearing rather than annoying. ...sigh. Wish me luck!