May 13, 2011

The Vibrator Diaries: Entry the Second (Farewell, Sweet Spice)

Well, I think it's about time I put down my Evolved Spice for a while. We've had a good run, and really, the sex was good. But I've got to move on and see if I can find The One. Spice, you've been good to me. You've helped me learn that a good vibrator can't be defined by its length or girth--you're Short and Sweet, stubby and slim, but you still get the job done. And you've taught me that those big fancy vibrators with double motors and clit/butt ticklers aren't as scary as they look--you've got twin motors and I've enjoyed using your tickler immensely. Please don't think it's anything you've done, Spice. It's not you, it's me.

No, really. I've been playing with my Short and Sweet Spice for over a week now, as you may be aware, and though we've shared many a scrumptious squealing orgasm together, in the end I think that, while I'l probably never be able to eat a spice cake again without sighing fondly and remembering the rubbery purple vibe tucked away in my bedside drawer, the Spice just isn't the one for me. It's not that I believe in fate so much, or in true vibrator love. But I don't NOT believe in those mystical, magical stories I've heard about the romance between a lady's down-theres and a sex toy, either. I've heard stores from women I know about toys so mind-blowingly good at their job that they can get them off in seconds. SECONDS, Spice. And while you and I have certainly made beautiful music together, that music was usually in the form of a long, drawn-out concerto, rather than a short, quick pop song. And that's great. I've enjoyed our afternoons and evenings of slowly brought about, long, lingering pleasure. But I'm in this game to win it, and I want to find that vibrator, somewhere out there on a store shelf, that will get in, get off, and get out when I've only got five minutes between meetings.

I think that's what it comes down to, Spice. I'm a busy lady and I don't always have time for your slow, Short and Sweet ministrations. But when I do have time, my dear, fret not. I'll be back for more someday.

Anyway, onto bigger (maybe) and better things. What do you think, readers? Should I try out the Lily, the Slimline G, the Gold Digger, or the Conqueror?

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