Farewell, Vibrator Diaries

As you may have noticed if you read this blog regularly (I hope you do!), I might not have been entirely serious about my quest for the perfect vibrator a while back. I may have… kind of… abandoned that little project.

See, sometimes I drink WAY too much coffee and start fixating on things. You  may have noticed this in some of my incredibly long-winded rants about relatively small topics. Ahem. I go a bit overboard sometimes. Caffeine can be a real bitch. The Vibrator Diaries was definitely a coffee-bean fueled descent into a project I had neither time nor energy for, but which I became fervently devoted to for about a week. It was also a feeble attempt on my part to get free sex toys from as many places as possible, which isn’t a bad idea, but it’s… a bit superfluous. I get free sex toys aplenty for my reviews at WHACK! Magazine, and though they’re not pouring in from all sides, nobody really NEEDS that many toys.

At my last count I was in possession of seven vibrators (two of which don’t work, but still), two butt plugs, one rotating doohickey, a whole slew of dildos that attach to said doohickey, and a set of ben wa balls that I still haven’t reviewed after having owned them for months. I in no way need more toys, or more reviews to write about the ones I already have. I’ll make do with these until the right one comes along! It’s a tough life, I know.

And anyway, there are so many great reviews all over the web that what does anybody need my lil' ol' blog for? I'm better at ranting, anyway.

So, to put it succinctly: Farewell, Vibrator Diaries. We hardly knew ye.

The Vibrator Diaries: Entry the Second (Farewell, Sweet Spice)

Well, I think it's about time I put down my Evolved Spice for a while. We've had a good run, and really, the sex was good. But I've got to move on and see if I can find The One. Spice, you've been good to me. You've helped me learn that a good vibrator can't be defined by its length or girth--you're Short and Sweet, stubby and slim, but you still get the job done. And you've taught me that those big fancy vibrators with double motors and clit/butt ticklers aren't as scary as they look--you've got twin motors and I've enjoyed using your tickler immensely. Please don't think it's anything you've done, Spice. It's not you, it's me.

No, really. I've been playing with my Short and Sweet Spice for over a week now, as you may be aware, and though we've shared many a scrumptious squealing orgasm together, in the end I think that, while I'l probably never be able to eat a spice cake again without sighing fondly and remembering the rubbery purple vibe tucked away in my bedside drawer, the Spice just isn't the one for me. It's not that I believe in fate so much, or in true vibrator love. But I don't NOT believe in those mystical, magical stories I've heard about the romance between a lady's down-theres and a sex toy, either. I've heard stores from women I know about toys so mind-blowingly good at their job that they can get them off in seconds. SECONDS, Spice. And while you and I have certainly made beautiful music together, that music was usually in the form of a long, drawn-out concerto, rather than a short, quick pop song. And that's great. I've enjoyed our afternoons and evenings of slowly brought about, long, lingering pleasure. But I'm in this game to win it, and I want to find that vibrator, somewhere out there on a store shelf, that will get in, get off, and get out when I've only got five minutes between meetings.

I think that's what it comes down to, Spice. I'm a busy lady and I don't always have time for your slow, Short and Sweet ministrations. But when I do have time, my dear, fret not. I'll be back for more someday.

Anyway, onto bigger (maybe) and better things. What do you think, readers? Should I try out the Lily, the Slimline G, the Gold Digger, or the Conqueror?

The Vibrator Diaries: Entry the First

I reviewed the Evolved Spice Short and Sweet vibrator a while ago for WHACK! Magazine, and waxed rhapsodic about its double-motored, stubby, wobbly goodness. To date, I think it has been my most successful vibrating friend, and so I decided to go back to examine our relationship a few nights ago, and again last night, and then again this morning. What can I say, I really like it!

The Spice is a smaller, less complicated version of what everyone knows as a "rabbit" style sex toy. It's got two vibrating parts, one for penetration and one that tickles the clitoral area simultaneously. It's made of gel-like silicone, devoid of over-the-top bells and whistles, and thank goodness it doesn't have any weird animal-shaped parts on it. Those dolphins and bunnies and such really freak me out--I mean, I like animals, but they don't need to go anywhere near my junk, nawmsayin?

Anyhoo, I wanted to see if the initial magic that my Short and Sweet Spice worked on me long ago was still there, and I'm happy to report that it is. I am, however, sad to report that, because of how the Spice is designed to be used, I've already broken my "no penetration" rule, which I set for myself... um... two days ago. But hey, vibrators aren't made to be used just externally, now are they? So let's just nix that silly rule (was I drunk when I wrote that? I may have been) and move ahead, shall we?

To the business at hand!

The Spice and I started our first evening together all alone in bed, with no external stimuli like partners, porn, or even sexy photos. It was just the two of us and my very active imagination. We got down to business on the first of the Spice's three vibrational settings, which range from "Is this thing on?" to "Holy mother of something-I-can't-say-cause-it'd-offend-religious-people!" and settled in for a long evening of experimentation.

Now I have to be perfectly honest with my assessment of what went on here. Every masturbation session is not equal to every other one, and so the results I might get from any particular bout with my Spice can be vastly different from any other. For instance, the first night we got together, I was pretty exhausted and stressed, and though the Spice's first setting almost brought me to orgasm because I desperately needed a release of stress, my body was too tired to go through the motions. We started on the low setting, and seeing that it was getting close to, but not doing, the trick, we amped up to the second, with similar results. The third setting, I think, numbed me genitals a bit, and after a half hour or so of deliciously fruitless fun, I gave up and fell asleep.
The second night was similar, but I wasn't tired nor nearly as stressed as the night before. No matter which setting I used or what pattern of switching between settings, I just couldn't seem to get to the climax with my brain and my Spice alone. I tried a variety of fantasies, used the Spice externally and with penetration, and even turned it around so the clit tickler was tickling a slightly lower spot... ahem. And though I approached orgasm many times, I never quite got pushed over it. This could very easily be a mental hurdle--since I hadn't gotten there the night before, my brain may have just been convinced it couldn't get there at all, and stopped my body from having all the fun I wanted to have (stupid brain). Or, maybe the Spice and I just aren't the match made in heaven that I thought we might be.
So, this morning, I tried again, this time using one of the foothills around my mountain of porn DVDs to help, and damned if the Spice didn't get me there in no time, on the third setting.

I'm not sure if this just means that I'm so used to watching porn it's easier to get off when there's some playing, or if I'm better at having orgasms in the morning, or if the Spice isn't really what I need. Sigh... I guess the only thing I can do is spend a few more days with it. Shit, life is tough, huh?

PS - Having had a mind-blowing orgasm before noon on a Thursday is TOTALLY worth it.

The Vibrator Diaries: An Introduction

Busy busy as a bumblebee this spring, and in delightful ways! I'm preparing to head to Miami for the gigantic Exxxotica Miami Beach adult industry convention at the end of this month, where WHACK! Magazine will be sharing a booth with the lovely, lascivious Lexi Love, the bodacious Trina Michaels, and the legendary Eve Laurence, and partying down! But before that happens, I'm making some forward motion with my TV pilot script, my book projects (there are two), a short article for Whore! magazine, a poetry translation project, interviews with some of the industry's most lickable stars (look for Sophia St. James, Erika Lust, Drew Deveaux, Jiz Lee, Justine Joli, and more in the next month or so, here, on TheWomansPOV, and at WHACK!), a long-form feature on Holland's Dusk TV channel, and my last article on the female POV and a review, both for Madison Young's TheWomansPOV. Busy much?

But before all that craziness goes down, I want to announce yet another project! Speaking of busy bumblebees, I've been thinking of buzzing, as my I got so much great feedback from commenters and private e-mailers about my vibrator pondering post last week that I've decided to set myself a new goal: find the perfect vibrator for my apparently-picky junk in the next few months! I realized from all your input that it's very likely I just haven't found the right vibe yet, and though I've got tons of them in my toybox (actually it's a set of drawers; that's how I roll), none have quite done the trick for me... And I bet I'm not the only one. Doing reviews of one product at a time, I've realized, is all well and good, but because I move from toy to toy quickly to do said reviews, I rarely get to spend any real quality time with any one in particular, going back for visits only now and then. But if it's difficult for me, the owner of hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars worth of sex toys, to find one that works for me, I can't imagine how tough it must be for other ladies to do the same!

And so I'll be sharing my good vibrations, documenting my journey in blog form--nothing too explicit, but I'm going to take some time with different settings on different toys and report back in the hopes that what works AND what doesn't work for me might help readers discover what works for THEM. I'll revisit old friends, campaign to have more toys ent my way, and poll sexy scenesters in interviews about their favorite vibrating toys, and I will not stop until I've found the right clit tickler! I'm DEDICATED! After all, as Jiz Lee pointed out, May is National Masturbation Month, so there's no time like the present to start! I'll be reporting my findings as often as I can, in amongst all the other stuff I'm doing, so stay tuned for the results of my epic journey into the deep, dark wilds of my own perversion! I hope you'll enjoy it as much... well... almost as much... as I will!

Here's da rules:
1) I'll only be using vibrators as stimulation, so I can determine which vibe is best. No penetration
 or other stimulation except for my very active imagination.
2) I'll spend at least two or three sessions with each toy before moving on to the next, to get a real understanding of its functions.
3) I'll report back as often as possible, but don't expect erotica. I'm not good at going into salacious detail about sex in my writing, and I can't imagine I'll be any better at recounting masturbation. Expect silliness, not sexiness.
4) I'll actively pursue any leads anyone wants to give me on toys to try out! Give me suggestions, peeps!

That's it for now! Tonight I think I may snuggle up with my Evolved Spice vibe. We haven't talked for a while.

In the meantime, do check out Rae Threat's STUNNING photography featuring some of my favoritest porn people.