Ta-ta for Now! I'm Globetrotting!

Ok, dearest readers, your favorite blogger is going on vacation! I’ll be gone for about a week and a half, traveling with family and then starting a new job. Don’t fret: when I return I bet I’ll have a bunch of interesting things to share with you. When I don’t have much to do, as on vacation, I tend to think about sex and porn a lot, so I’ll be sure to have something new to discuss. In the meantime, keep reading WHACK! and for fun Miami Exxxotica coverage, TheWomansPOV for some sexy interviews and queer porn reviews, and the annals of my illustrious blog for pure entertainment. Oh, and don’t forget about me!

So ta-ta! And here are some ta-tas (from BoobsOnlyLesbians.com!

Watching Porn Makes Me Peckish

Earlier this week I reviewed Wicked’s new film Mesmerized, a feature length film about a guy (Danny Wylde, who is great) so blinded by love for his best friend (Alektra Blue) that he can’t realize she’s kind of a heartless bitch. There are problems aplenty with the plot, but you can read about those over at WHACK! What I want to talk about here is the fact that, while writing the review, I had to stop myself from making food references because I realized that I use them way too often in my reviews.

My recent writing for WHACK! and other publications includes references to beef fillets, steak sauce, smorgasbords, feasts, buffets, brandy, pancakes, pancake batter, chocolate cake… The list goes on and on. Over the course of my three-ish years writing for and about porn, I’d wager I’ve covered every major food group and regional cuisine in my reviews, set copy, columns, and musings.

I guess this isn’t so very surprising: sex and food go well together, as anyone who’s ever wanted a sandwich immediately after finishing up can tell you. They’re both things we all crave and need to be happy. And they’re so much fun! But I’ve started wondering why I particularly talk about food in a sexual context so much.

Is it because it’s just an easy reference to grab onto when thinking about something else that’s satisfying and visceral? Or is it because I have the munchies when I watch porn? Or is it because porn is so much a part of my life that it’s almost like sustenance to me? Hm. Not sure if any of these are good answers. Certainly worth asking, though.

Then again... maybe I should just look into splooshing.

The Miami Report: Kanye is Onto Something

I dunno how many of you out there listen to Kanye West, but given his popularity it’s probably quite a few of you. But just in case, his most recent album featured a song called “Hell of a Life” that starts with the line, “I think I fell in love with a porn star.” The song is all about the exhilaration of porn fame, the weird contradictions within the industry (how anal, gangbangs, and interracial sex are all lumped together as things that drive down a porn star’s performance price), and the just-as-weird contradictions without it (the glamour of porn and the openness of porn star lives and sexuality versus the shaming society heaps on them). And damned if it isn’t a great song. And damned-er if it isn’t onto something. Sometimes I hate giving Kanye credit cause he’s kind of a d-bag, but he writes some seriously good lyrics.

And I finally kind of know what he’s talking about. I mean, I knew some of what he was talking about before, since I’m kind of deeply immersed in the porn world. But as much as I think porn performers are great and have the same issues with society’s double standard of idolizing and glamorizing porn stars while denigrating the work they do… I’d never quite gotten close to falling in love with a porn star. Somehow, even when partying with hot stars and hanging out in hotel rooms with the top performers, some of whom came onto me and some of whom did not, I’d never walked away from one of them breathless. Maybe it’s because I see them in a mostly-professional way. Maybe it’s because I like a bit of mystery in my sexual pursuits and I already know a lot of what there is to know about most porn stars’ bedroom habits when I encounter them. Or maybe I just hadn’t met anyone who really got me going.

But this weekend I did. I’d been interested in Keni Styles beforehand for several reasons: #1: HOT BRITISH ACCENT. I know it’s a silly bias. And I know a lot of guys who will roll their eyes about this when they hear women say it. But those same guys will go ga-ga over a woman with an accent, too. There’s just something undeniably sexy about the exoticism of someone who’s from a different culture than your own. Add to that #2, which is that Keni has a fascinating background. He’s of mostly Chinese descent and has lived all over the world. He’s probably the most multicultural male porn performer on the scene today. #3: Though I hate to pigeonhole anybody based on race, the fact that Keni is of Asian descent is a big deal for the porn biz. Though it’s not as often talked bout as with other groups, anti-Asian sentiment runs high in the adult industry, where women are fetishized and men are basically nonexistent because there’s a prevalent stigma that Asian guys are feminine and have small dicks. Well, Keni has come (hehehe) to blast all those stereotypes to smithereens. The man is a powerhouse in his performances, masculine as all get-out, and has a dong that could make any woman tear up from either appreciation or pain. Not only is he accented, worldly, and boundary-breaking, all of which would make me interested… but, #3: he’s also HOT. Like. HOT. Just Google him. You’ll see what I mean.

So when I realized I was about to meet him in Miami I got excited. He had all the makings of an interesting person for an interview, and I was curious to see what he’d be like in person. I got my answer Thursday night before the Exxxotica convention started: he’s awesome. He came up to say hi, shook my hand, and blew me away immediately with that accent of his. And then his friendliness, openness, and, oh lord, his smile. I was hooked.

We didn’t spend much time together over the course of the weekend, besides some very boozey dancing and shenanigans at Fontainbleu on Friday night, but by the time he walked out of the convention center on Sunday, I was sighing after him like a lost puppy. I haven’t had a crush this serious on a porn star. Ever.

I doubt we’ll get married in a bathroom and divorced by morning, as Kanye’s song describes, but hey, a girl can hope, right? Just some making out would be fine.

The Miami Report: A Safe Place for Sex

This might sound trite and very duh-inducing, but I was just looking through my pictures from Miami and watching the interview I did with Sarah Vandella for WHACK! and it got me thinking. Sarah was at the LA Direct Models booth right across the thoroughfare from the WHACK! booth for most of the weekend, and her crazy exhibitionist antics got us a lot of extra attention by drawing huge crowds to her signing table. She was wearing just matching bra and panty sets, posing provocatively, letting fans and other performers touch her, and generally being what most people would call "slutty." And she was having a blast. I don't think she stopped smiling once the whole time. She bounced in on time (or relatively, anyway; these things are defined differently in the porn world) every day with a grin, ready to spend hours talking, posing, and enjoying herself completely. She was beaming, radiant.

It occurred to me in very blatant terms for the first time in a while that the adult entertainment industry and other outlets for sex work aren't just important steam-release valves for the undersexed masses. Porn is important for the people who work in it and love it, not just because it's a source of income, but because it's a (relatively--again, different rules apply) safe place for people like Sarah who thrive on sexuality. Our culture constantly reminds people with active sex drives to shut up about it, shaming them for being "abnormal" or "overly sexual." It especially shames women for whom sex is the ultimate joy, calling them any number of derogatory names heaping upon them irreversible damage to their reputations. Our culture tries to tell us that women who love to give oral sex are shameless sluts, that those who enjoy pleasuring others and themselves are too horny, that there's a problem with letting sex be a prominent factor in one's life instead of a quiet, understated part of it. We're told that people, particularly female people, who love sex and do it for money and attention are "damaged" somehow, that nobody normal could act like that. That there must be something wrong with those of us who love sex, love sexuality, and love showing it off.

But for plenty of people, sex is a huge part of daily existence. For most of us, in fact, it's at least a decent proportion of what we think about during the day. It's just that most of us deny this or suppress it. There's nothing wrong with thinking about sex a lot, and in fact there's probably a lot more wrong with not thinking about it or enjoying it. Those who have a healthy sex drive and feel beautiful, appreciated, and invigorated when we have it are more healthy than many of us who feel shame, sadness, or emptiness in our sex lives. Right? And yet we pretend we don't think about it when we do to avoid the shame of being "slutty." But the porn industry gives people who can't or don't want to shut up about how much they love their bodies, other people's bodies, and the pleasure they provide a home. It's a place where, even if those on the outside might look in and shake their heads in disgust, people on the inside can be free to be themselves. They don't have to pretend not to be thinking about sex instead of that spreadsheet due in an hour. They don't have to cover up if they like showing off. They don't have to feel ashamed of their sexuality. Sarah Vandella can celebrate her vitality, her infectious joy at being a sexual being, in a safe and supportive environment in the porn industry. Sure, she has to deal with protestors outside convention centers toting signs that read "Porno Sex is Sin" and shouting through megaphones. And sure she's probably been called a few names by people who don't understand. But as I watched her prancing around in her heels and bra and panties, loving the attention people gave her for her beauty and becoming more beautiful because of how they enjoyed watching her, I realized that this is the best place for her to be.

Sure there are plenty of ways in which the porn industry, particularly the straight side of the mainstream industry, exploits people and degrades women and men alike. But so does every industry, in its own way. At least in porn, people don't have to shut up about what they love to fit in. They fit in already.

The Miami Report: A Recap

Well, I'm back from the madness of the Exxxotica Miami Beach convention with the WHACK! Magazine crew! I won't go into exhaustive detail here about the goings-on, since WHACK! is scheduled to have a full week of coverage, from editorial writeups to picture galleries to video interviews (some done by yours truly and some by the beautiful Lexi Love) with many of the performers in attendance!

Suffice it to say, I had a LOT of fun. For some reason, I had it in my head that I wouldn't like Miami. My only experience with it came from TV, movies, and one really lame layover in the tiny international terminal at the airport, where I wasn't allowed to by duty-free since I was returning to the US, and the only food options were Starbucks and bad hot dogs. I had an image in my head of a New York, just plopped on the beach and coated in sleaze, and for some reason, this didn't appeal to me. Until I got to said beach. I had a blast! Beautiful people walking around in skimpy clothing night and day, on the beach and at the convention center, a whole lot of fun porn people to hang out with, and a booth of our own for the WHACK! crew to call home made the weekend fun, and if there's one person in this world who can deal with heat and humidity, it's me. I can honestly say I wasn't cold once all weekend, which is a rarity for me.

Unfortunately, I had a little too much fun, it seems; after three nights of 3-4 hours sleep and much substance abuse (hey man, cigarettes are only $4 down there! what was I SUPPOSED to do?), I woke up on Sunday with a throat so terribly sore I couldn't go back to sleep after 7:00 am and absolutely NADA going on in the voicebox. This was majorly problematic. I felt a little sick overall, probably as a result of dehydration and exhaustion, but aside from my inability to speak, there was nothing really WRONG with me, so I couldn't get out of going to the convention center for the day. However, all the interviews I'd been scheduled to do (Teagan Presley, Keni Styles, Inari Vachs, Adrennalyn, Kirsten Price...) were null. (As was my hawking of the WHACK! booth's hilariously irreverent game, "Toss Your Load." The deal was this: for $1, you got three sperm-shaped beanbags, which you attempted to toss through a hole cut out of Lexi Love's mouth in a large photo. Lexi sat next to it at her signing table and signed a free photo for anyone who got a beanbag in, thank goodness. If she hadn't been there I'd have been too afraid of being labeled a horrible misogynist for yelling things like, "Toss your load all over Lexi Love's face!" "Cram your sack into Lexi Love's mouth!" and so on, but everyone, including Lexi, found this hilarious.) Hey, I may be all about equal rights and representation, feminism, and turning tired stereotypes on their heads, but there are some things that are just endlessly hilarious, and sex jokes are pretty much the top of the bunch. Sadly, without a voice, I couldn't keep up my startlingly long list of ways to make the game sound funny to passers-by, much less my string of interviews.

Thankfully, Lexi came to my rescue and did a lot of interviews for me, which was great since she knew most of the people there far better than I do, and I got to sit at her signing table sipping tea and pretending I was her, very unconvincingly.

It's now Tuesday, I'm back in NYC catching up on mucho work, and my voice is ALMOST back. I CAN talk now, but have decided to write and e-mail all day and not leave the house to avoid over-stressing the old pipes and going back to square one. This is working out beautifully, actually. I think more frequent days of no-talking could be a beautiful, very productive thing.

I'll be blogging some ponderings and musings that have been going on in my head in response to the Miami convention over the next few days, but in the meantime, I'll just tell you the most major development from the weekend, aside from my laryngitis: I have officially gotten my first huge male pornstar crush! It's not much of a secret that I have a gigantic girl-boner for April Flores, Jiz Lee, and several other female-bodied performers. And while I like a whole lot of male-bodied performers a whole lot and have almost given in to some of their wheedling and hopped into bed with a select few, I never went home sighing about how dreamy any of them were... before now! I feel like a total geek admitting my susceptibility to masculine beauty and a British accent, but Keni Styles got me going first in his films, then in charming person, then at LIV at Fontainbleu during Jenna Haze's big party Friday night... And I haven't stopped yet. He's sweet, charming, laid-back, and seems very smart, to boot. Interview coming up? Definitely. One for WHACK! and the mainstream crowd? For sure. One for the blog here, where we can talk more intimately? I'm thinking yes. I'll keep y'all posted!

Update

I am sick and have lost my voice. Last day of the convention. Not sure what to do.

Bienvenidos

Howdy, readers! I'm writing to you from sunny, saturated Miami, FL, where I'll be attending the Exxxotica  Miami Beach adult industry convention as part of the WHACK! crew! I'll try to update here, but no promises! We're off right now to set up our first-ever booth, and the madness is about to begin in earnest tonight! Updates and pictures to follow!

The Call of the Camcorder

You know, I've never really wanted to record myself having sex. A lot of people ask me, when they find out I write about porn and sex, if I'd ever do porn myself. Or if I have done it and am denying it. And the honest answer to both these questions is "no." Having watched as much smut as I have, and understanding my insecurities about my spindly arms, deformed wrists, jiggly butt, and asymmetrical face, I think subjecting myself or anyone else to watching me flail around and make strange mouth movements during the act would be unpleasant, if not downright cruel. And, performer though I may be in some ways, comfortable in front of an audience or a karaoke bar, I've never been able to stand the sight or sound of myself on playback. I can't even watch any of the video interviews I've done for WHACK! no matter how much I like the questions I asked or the person I was talking to. The sound of my voice and the weird faces I make when talking, which YouTube always seems to capture in its still frame, make me all fidgety to think that I could really look or sound like that. It makes me question if I should ever to go out in public again.

So, no, porn is not a career choice for me. Nor is letting anyone take video of me having sex, even for private use. Absolutely no way.

But sometimes when I'm watching porn, like last night as I was reviewing Boundaries #7 from Triangle Films (the review will be up on WHACK! tomorrow--and by the way, my interview with Madison Montag is up today! check it out!), I start to wonder... When I'm with a woman, do we sound like those women? Do we scream and moan and pant as much? Are these women quieter or louder, more or less demonstrative? Do I move my hips like that? And when I'm with a man, I wonder if, from his point of view, my face looks contorted. I wonder how comparatively sexy the top of my head looks. I wonder... And I start to think maybe I SHOULD set up my camera one of these days, just to see...

But then I realize that it's entirely likely I'd be so traumatized by the unglamorous reality of what I sound and look and move like during the act that it would take months to feel sexy again. And I let it go.

Any of you ever toy with this idea, or give in to temptation? I'd love to hear your stories...

Inerview Excerpts Part II

A few more interview snippets to keep your mouths watering and your brains working, my darlings...

Drew Deveaux is the hottest thing to hit the queer porn scene in the past few years, taking fans and performers alike by storm, winning this year's Heatthrob of the Year award at the Feminist Porn Awards, and generally being the sexiest genderqueer trans woman on the blue screen. I personally find her entrancing, and her super-mega intellect incredibly alluring. I interviewed her for Madison Young's TheWoman's POV about a week ago, and I'm posting part of the interview, about finding her sexuality through porn, here to whet your appetites:

Me: Coming from a background like yours—you’re very educated—you have a lot of options. You spoke about this at the Red Umbrella Diaries when I saw you in March. You said that you get responses like, “Well, that’s an… interesting choice for you.” But it really is. Would you characterize yourself as a highly sexual person since you were young? Or has this decision actually made you more sexual?

DD Oh my gosh. Both. Certainly sexual, yeah. I’m definitely not denying that. But I think, given my history of being trans, I had to really search for a long time in order to really latch onto my sexual confidence. Really finding myself sexually was a difficult thing, and that links into the representations of trans women in porn and elsewhere, of ones that didn’t make any sense to me. Being queer and trans was not even something that seemed actually possible.

Basically when I was younger, when I was a teenager, everyone was like, “Oh, you’re just a super-effeminate boy. You’re gay.” And since I was a young kid, I was always pegged as a gay male. And I was like, “But, no! Actually, I like girls! And I kind of feel like a lesbian.” Which was the only vocabulary I had for it at the time. So you know, you add on top of that all the stigma and shame that so many people who don’t fit the mainstream definitions of what’s construed as sexy or sexually healthy, whether you’re gay or trans, whether you have a fat body, whether you’re differently abled, all these kinds of things… It can take a lot longer to come into yourself sexually.

So that has been a process and it still is a process. I think doing porn has been a hugely important way of positively reinforcing my power and identity as a sexual being. That’s not something that I sought getting into porn. I wasn’t looking for validation or affirmation, but at the same time, it’s provided me all these opportunities to experience sex in a whole bunch of different contexts, and to really think about sex, and to have sex that was really hot and amazing with talented people, to watch a lot more sex, to reflect. As I’m putting these things out there, as I’m being in some ways a role model, a visionary for trans sexuality… I’m really having to think about it. I feel like I’ve had to really push myself hard to get over a lot of things, like my own insecurities and my own shit around my sexuality. I don’t think anyone’s perfect. I don’t think any porn performer necessarily has everything figured out and is completely over all the stigmas and shame and trauma. But I think that they’re able to really reflect on how they shape it…

And I think that a lot of the work I’ve been doing recently has been a lot more vicious than some of the earlier work in terms of incorporating aspects of kink and power dynamics, dirty talk, and really reconnecting with some of the power that can happen in those kinky power-play dynamics where I can feel really ashamed and that can actually be a sexually awesome experience. So, yeah, it’s a process.

Jennifer Lyon Bell of Blue Artichoke Films and I had a chat about the Dutch television channel Dusk, a female-oriented channel that shows erotic/sexual programming made particularly for women. Dusk has been getting a lot of press in the US lately for inventing the term "porna" to apply to this type of programming--as opposed to "porno" made largely for and by men. The full interview will be used for an article on Dusk on WHACK! Magazine in the next few weeks.

 

Me: In the meantime, how do you like the term “porna” they're using for female-centric erotic material? Would you apply it to your work?

Jennifer Lyon Bell: I do appreciate that they’ve come up with a simple word to describe porn that appeals to women. Personally I’ve had a hard time coming up with terms to describe what I do — “explicit erotic film”? “Alternative erotica”? “Feminist porn”?  I do wonder if the word “porna” gives space to describe films that, while they may be made by women, appeal very much to men as well. Along the way, I’ve discovered that there are a ton of men out there who are searching not only for more authentic depictions of female sexuality in particular, but also of more authentic depictions of sexual relationships in general. I’m not sure that the word “porna” covers that. And that’s the situation I’m in, since both women and men seems attracted to what I’m trying to do.

All that being said, I’m proud to have my films on the Dusk channel, and pleased that women do respond so well to them. So I’m happy to have it called “porna” if that helps women understand why they might be different than the “porn” they’ve probably seen before.

The Vibrator Diaries: Entry the Second (Farewell, Sweet Spice)

Well, I think it's about time I put down my Evolved Spice for a while. We've had a good run, and really, the sex was good. But I've got to move on and see if I can find The One. Spice, you've been good to me. You've helped me learn that a good vibrator can't be defined by its length or girth--you're Short and Sweet, stubby and slim, but you still get the job done. And you've taught me that those big fancy vibrators with double motors and clit/butt ticklers aren't as scary as they look--you've got twin motors and I've enjoyed using your tickler immensely. Please don't think it's anything you've done, Spice. It's not you, it's me.

No, really. I've been playing with my Short and Sweet Spice for over a week now, as you may be aware, and though we've shared many a scrumptious squealing orgasm together, in the end I think that, while I'l probably never be able to eat a spice cake again without sighing fondly and remembering the rubbery purple vibe tucked away in my bedside drawer, the Spice just isn't the one for me. It's not that I believe in fate so much, or in true vibrator love. But I don't NOT believe in those mystical, magical stories I've heard about the romance between a lady's down-theres and a sex toy, either. I've heard stores from women I know about toys so mind-blowingly good at their job that they can get them off in seconds. SECONDS, Spice. And while you and I have certainly made beautiful music together, that music was usually in the form of a long, drawn-out concerto, rather than a short, quick pop song. And that's great. I've enjoyed our afternoons and evenings of slowly brought about, long, lingering pleasure. But I'm in this game to win it, and I want to find that vibrator, somewhere out there on a store shelf, that will get in, get off, and get out when I've only got five minutes between meetings.

I think that's what it comes down to, Spice. I'm a busy lady and I don't always have time for your slow, Short and Sweet ministrations. But when I do have time, my dear, fret not. I'll be back for more someday.

Anyway, onto bigger (maybe) and better things. What do you think, readers? Should I try out the Lily, the Slimline G, the Gold Digger, or the Conqueror?