Nov 17, 2010

The Crash Pad Series: Episode 21

The Crash Pad Series: Episode 21
Starring: Princess Donna, Lorelei Lee, Jake

Because I am a total badass and because I happen to absolutely love good lesbian porn (which, in this sad Y-chromosomally-centric world, is a rare and precious commodity), I have managed to nab myself a press pass to, and I am going to make damn good use of it. But not just for my own pleasure! Oh no, I am far too dedicated a journalist to selfishly horde my horny prize! Also, I really like gloating over my free fap fare. For those of you not in the know, The Crash Pad Series is a runaway hit of a website and DVD series started a few years back by Pink and White Productions, a San Francisco queer studio obsessed with showing off how endlessly variable and scaldingly hot the experience of queer sex can be. The Crash Pad Series, as I've noted in other publications, is neither for the faint of heart, nor the vanilla of taste, nor the narrow of mind; the performers in these scenes run the gamut from male-identifying trans people who sport permanent, synthetic hard-ons beneath their jeans to super-femme lipstick lesbians to bisexual babes with a passing craving for cooch, and with a rich representation of just about every variation in between. These scenes feature a lot of sex acts that most mainstream, hetero porn simply doesn't dare to film for fear of the ever-nebulous obscenity laws that hover over the heads of most of the LA adult industry (think fisting, double-fisting, lesbian DPs, squirting, and so on). What's portrayed--an honest depiction of sex that rarely gets talked about or even acknowledged--can be far and away more hardcore than what your average Adult DVD Emporium's "extreme" rack has to offer, and it's not dumbed down with airbrushing, tons of makeup, Hollywood lighting, or the expectations of a heterocentric director. The sex in this series is raw, real (many of the performers are actually lovers off camera), and--as far as I'm concerned--blazingly hot in a way that the carefully arranged, formulaic fornication of mainstream porn rarely achieves. While the visuals can be shocking at first, the passion behind them is stunning throughout, and it's the level of intensity these performers bring out that gets me almost every time.

Anyway. The review. Right...

I decided to dive into this dyke fest with Episode 21, a "hot and sweaty" threesome between the raven haired ravishing beauty Princess Donna, the beautifully breasted blonde Lorelei Lee, and the super-butch and super-sexy Jake (who identifies as male, so he'll be referred to as such throughout this review). After getting off to a somewhat slow, nervous start, the three loosen up and go at it in almost every imaginable combination and using just about every technique in the book: strap-on, vibrator, fingering, cunnilingus, smothering, fisting, double-fisting, dirty talk, asphyxiation, and even mild slap play. It's hardcore. But don't let the scary f- and s- words intimidate you! All three of them have smiles on their faces almost the whole way through, especially when, as Lorelei rides Jake's face and Donna rides his cock, their eyes lock and their ecstasy mingles with shocked laughter at what a fucking great time their having. There are several moments like that throughout this scene: while Jake takes it mostly upon himself to see the other two ladies satisfied, all three of them share looks of intense connection, wide smiles of uninhibited pleasure, and the best of all, screaming orgasms.

I don't think I've seen orgasms this intense since... Hm... I don't know. Maybe the last time I watched some Crash Pad Series scenes. I'm not being obsequious. The great thing about good girl-on-girl action is that it's virtually unimpeded by the breaks that men need to take. No offense, guys, it's just how you're built; after orgasm number one, you have to take some time off. It's cool. We understand. But for pure viewing pleasure and constant sexual intensity, hardcore lesbian sex is almost always the way to go because these women don't need to stop after orgasm number one, or number two, or really after any, unless they want to or unless they pass out from exhaustion. And when Jake spent a good five minutes with one fist in each co-star's pussy simultaneously, while those two costars stared into each other's wide-open faces, despite the fact that she'd already come at least twice, Princess Donna came so hard she uttered a scream so melodic it was almost a song. And I mean a scream. The neighbors definitely heard. The people outside probably did, too. This is the kind of pleasure that women reach when they've been worked on for a while, mercilessly prevented from calming their genitals until their faces contort, their eyes squeeze shut, their chests go bright red, and their throats open to let out a ululation of unadulterated, almost violent, ecstasy.

This is when I creamed my pants for the first time. I mean, how often does a porn viewer get to see this kind of pleasure? Sure, we get to see lots of pounding and fingering and fucking, and hear lots of "Oohs" and "Aahs" and "Oh yeah that's it right there"s, but how many times, in your porn-viewing life, have you seen a woman throw her head back and just let herself go completely? I bet you can count it on one hand.

I recommend this scene for many reasons (for instance, Lorelei Lee's whimpers and moans sound very much like she's crying, but she's smiling the whole time; I find Jake's clothed, quiet determination to bring the other two to orgasm intriguing; I realized that the only orgasmic sound that comes close to the primal scream in awesomeness is that moan muffled by the ass and cooch of the woman who's sitting on the orgasmer's face; Lorelei and Donna both have absolutely beautiful breasts; double fisting is kind of scary but really amazing to watch ["I didn't know I could fit that much inside of me," says Lorelei in the BTS footage]; Jake actually gets his fist stuck inside Lorelei and much laughter ensues...), but that one orgasm alone is worth two thumbs way up.

The scene, and several others I've seen on, and, and in other queer lesbian porn, raise some questions that may be naive of me if I want to call myself a dyke porn lover, but I am curious... I'm going to try to track me down some masculine female/male-identifying performers and interview them... I'll report back, ladies and gents! In the meantime

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